Inside looking out

Everyone was well dressed. The hair was done, the clothes were pressed and all the shoes looked uncomfortable. It felt momentous. I felt strange. 

For the last twenty years, I was outside looking in. I enjoyed my nebulous state of belonging and being a resident alien. I conveniently chose when to support this union of states and when to diss its politics. I felt more relief than pain in my ability to not impact change as a noncitizen. 

But suddenly, one oath and I was in. And so were the others around me. Some cried, others hugged but all rejoiced. I was by myself, so I gave myself a smirk. I saw people changing their names and seeing this day as a reset in their lives. I saw this day of significant change without being able to elaborate on what the actual significance was. 

My ego is American. I love that this country stands for life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. A truism that (they) we have claimed. I now represent its faults as much as I do represent its uniqueness. 

The judge who swore us in said something that stuck with me. There were 199 of us there who naturalized into American citizenship. Each one had a story. Some, like me, took decades. Some, unlike me, left behind despair and sought refuge. But none of us had the luck of birth like the judge himself. And for that matter, my son. 

Am I luckier now? I do not think so. It turns out I have always been lucky. 

With my family, 

With my upbringing, 

With my friends, 

With my gorgeous hometown, 

With my education, 

With my cars, 

With my travels, 

With my home, 

With my profession, 

With my wife, 

With my son, 

With my life, 

With my liberty

And with my pursuit of a Ferrari F40.