Despite their negative results at times, I have been secretly admiring the fact that I have been making some tough decisions. And these decisions come every day, fast and furious. With every passing year, I have been making decisions that have serious cumulative outcomes. Short term decisions have almost become non-existent. This relentless computation of which way to go at life’s many forks is a sure sign of adulthood.
Growing older also has made me realize that stagnation doesn’t always mean death. I have understood the idea that sometimes I have to stop moving to see what has moved. I have come to know that some conversations will never have words. And that I will never make enough money to be happy. Or rather, happiness has nothing to do with your savings account. (Even if a savings account is directly related to owning four wheel dreams)
I finally have appraised the value of companionship. Parents, friends and lovers. They all have their places in teaching me valuable lessons. They have managed to send me soaring on cloud nine as well made me despair at the bottom of a bottomless well. Memories have transformed from those of walking down empty streets, hand in hand, to those of a simple belonging in a pair of two. I also made empty promises and was given the ugliest of goodbyes in return. All of it had a value.
And ambition? That has been the hardest conflict to get my head wrapped around. The rate of success has been constantly decreasing. If it were a 3-D graph if would be a plateau right about now. But that does not mean that this trend will always continue by method of extrapolation. It’s not that the peaks are harder to find, it is just that the flat lands are much longer.
And in America, my ambition will always be curtailed with immigration.
So, a quarter-life crisis no more! Rather, it’s time to take stock and to stand up tall. And to change yard-sticks. It’s time to understand that success can never be measured in days, months, years or dollars. It is a cumulative measurement, where at the end; all you really want is a positive total.
R u sure u figured it all out post 25? cos there r some things(mentioned above) i can related to even at the age of 2w1! don wan to sound too smart(!) but i think its hardly got anything to do with mid life crisis? just my perception…i might be wrong! don think ul understand wat i mean.. wtever it is, i liked it.. more power to u!
ashlesha
i can relate to* and 21* sorry for the zillion typos there!
Tempted to ask what brought in this post. Even though I always feel, I lag behind you in understanding things, I think I feel this one too right now
Ash: I have had positive swings earlier. But this time it has a deep set root within me and not just a fleeting thought. Anyways, it is not a shock that you are smarter than I am. In fact, I am glad 🙂
Ups: Perhaps its because I keep acting like a grandfather half the time … continue lagging, it is better for you Upasna 🙂
Yeah!
Noooo…i feel mean now…i din mean to say im smarter than u…never 🙂
Avanti: Yeah!
Crazy Diamond: No worries! I was only kidding. But why are you against the notion that you could be a lot more mature than I was when I was a tad younger?..it is entirely believable 🙂
Lol in my case i was one of the most chaotic teenagers lol so it isnt really believable n moreover its jus recently i have been successful in achieving much needed stability in mu life so i have a long way to go so the conclusion is, u r smarter than im. maybe even at the age of 21. ata baas im tired, subject closed. 🙂
I am happy to read this post from you.
Glad that you see the big picture that is life and what really matters.
A lot of deep thinking and honesty reflects here…nice one..
Sonia: Thanks! You seem more relieved than happy 🙂
Birdy: Rather, two years of pure stagnation.
I feel exactly what you have voiced here. I'm going thru a similar phase of non forced consolidation coupled with adoption of agreeable realism (excuse the compound explanation). But there are times when I mourn the loss of idealism and the freedom to be instinctive and reckless and things like that.
Btw crazy diamond, the thrill of success and stability in ones early twenties evolves into a gamut of phases, which maybe ul experience too. Its not a bad experience. Experiences are anyway a variation of knowledge.
It could be both – relieved and happy :))
DK, It feels good to know that there are others who feel like me although I shouldn't be happy about the fact that anybody needs to go through this acceptance phase. I really like to way you put it. It is an assimilation of the weakest words in english language to express an idea that incredibly tough.
can't agree more….though even this judgment is practically as temporary in our lives as the thoughts you're trying to brush away as negative in the first place..and i still struggle with what's positive or negative, forget the totals…:)
Ahhh,well said! Story of my life too. I just never acknowledge it. How sad am I?