After almost five fat months of sublime nothingness, I must admit that this experiment with writing has distinctly failed. My attitude still seems surprising uppity but the expectation to write feel good blogs has thoroughly blocked my writing style. In my search for topics to write, I find myself leaning to the dark side constantly.
I never thought that this ennui of single life would be such wonderful fodder for morose verbiage! At any given day, I could easily rant off about rotundity of routine. The adulthood experience is so wonderfully complicated and dark that spinning off 500 words of despair comes much easier than constructing an email that sounds genuinely happy. Being located squarely within the Poisson curve doesn’t make my life average but rather makes my average life genuinely drama filled. It is what occasional writers and personal bloggers like me dream of. A constant material source!
But I digress here. The point I really want to make is that I am beginning to understand why there are so few genuine feel good writers around. I don’t mean funny writers. They use sarcasm which I am an occasional fan off but it is an easy way out. There are grades of sarcasm, from pointless to superbly funny. But it is still not the kind of writing I seek for my turn around. Every time, I cook up a plot and story, I lay emphasis on the ending. I have always believed that I should leave the reader with an open interpretation of the entire prose with the last few lines. But to end on a happy note requires a complete tear up of the post, right from the first line.
It is almost as if my keyboard fails to co-operate. I type in words like “nice” “pleasing” and “blissfully yellow” and my computer screens screams “never” “alone” and “positively grey”. My stories that begin with the guy ending with the girl end up with the girl just flat out refusing to take the guy’s call. Instead of the protagonist walking into the sunlight, he finds himself unable to lift himself up. Comparison tally’s of good vs. bad have very little of substance on the left side. I can’t seem to construct sentences with words like success, glory and achievement. There exists a serious case of Chinese whispers between my slowing mind, my creaking body and my post fractured right wrist. I want to write songs about daffodils but instead I end up getting pricked by a slightly toxic cactus.
It’s clear then. I must demarcate my turnaround in personal life attitude to what I write down on my paper. I want to write. Write more. Just not about two white swans embracing. If you can’t teach old dog new tricks then you can never make a morose writer understand the significance of ending a story with happily ever after.
I see where you're coming from. And for what its worth this was a very well written post.
Hey A: Thanks! Believe me, I really tried. That mango post stretched my abilities thin 🙂
How will it ever sound feel good with 'nice' Dush? Nice is very gray and also indecisive. But happy to hear of a turnaround, personally…that's all that counts, no?
again very honest..its true that positivity can't be faked unless one feels from inside at the same time i find it easy just to shift the focus from negativity..same is with writting,if i am not positive about something,i declare it as just a phase and i try to look for other subjects, like movie reviews or day to day things..
keep writting
Cheers
Pradnya
Upasna: Sounds like you have bigger issues when you think that "nice" does not sound so good 😉 But I understand what you are saying. And to think of it, I do quite like grey.
Pradnya: It is your ability to switch focus that I lack. I revel in the low times as I think it motivates me to write better. Having said, your point is taken. Instead of a windy post like this, I could try explaining why i liked "kick ass" so much 🙂
Thanks for your comment.
Its the 'in betweens' in ones life that renders the much needed clarity, space and self upgradation ;-). The grey i beleive will metamorphosize into other things with time and change. Guess you know that too.
DK: You know, I know many things. But largely in hindsight. And you know how that works.
But it looks like you know the story of they grey's up front. The question is whether you can change the Grey before time gets its hands on it?
Hmmm.. i dont know. But i tend to agree with Pradnya about shifting focus. Though i must admit i have for long romanced the grey, it becomes an addiction after a while. Unless it doesnt turn into cynicism its ok i guess.
Maybe 'Grey' is not even the right term to use here. All we do is just like to weave some literary drama around our lives triffle grief and bereavement just for kicks. Coz it makes for high readership value. Or maybe we take solace in focusing on our life's imperfections, coz its our way to subvert our guilt of not caring enough for others or contribute enough towards society's development. Or maybe we are even victims of peer psycology, we are reflecting unknowingly what we see and absorb around us.
Human mind is sort of complex, isnt it.. Btw I know you know all these things too 🙂
DK: I love your comments. I even love the fact that you give me much more credit than I deserve 🙂
For all that you said, yes.
"For oft when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude,
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the Daffodils."
Even a poem about daffodils begins with being lonely.
Attitude-schmatitude. This world has made too much of a little bit of sadness.